Friday, July 13, 2007

Friday, Friday, Friday

I've come to have a love/hate relationship with Fridays...

Every Friday, Little Boy Blue has visitation with his Mommy and Great-Grandmother. Every Friday, I'm happy for him as I prepare bottles and get him looking spiffy and smelling good. Every Friday, there is a heavy sense of dread as I watch the CPS case aide's car pull out of our meeting place. Every Friday, I have a small knot in my stomach and an empty feeling like one of my chicks has fallen from the nest. Every Friday, I have a huge smile on my face as the kids and I drive to pick him up. Every Friday, I hit a wall of realization that Little Boy Blue is not mine.

I know, I know... I should be able to deal with this by now! The diametrically opposed positions involved are so difficult to process. The 'we want him to be with his Mom' competing with the 'we want him to be with our family.' If I think about it too long, it makes my head spin.

I simply cannot explain the ease with which our family has adjusted to having a baby in the house. In some ways, I'm realizing that we are 'baby people.' When we get together with other Covenant Kids families, there are those that avoid babies and toddlers like the plague. And then there are those of us who love the bottles, diapers (diapeees as we call them), wipes (wipeees) and all of the other required paraphernalia that goes with a wee one.


On a totally different note... for those of you following our retaining wall drama, the wall is almost complete. It has ended up being almost 6 feet high in places! And, I cannot explain the money that has been required to feed this beast! This wall could have paid for several adoptions. We are, however, grateful for a wall that will outlast both of us... and it happens to be very attractive, as far as walls go. So, come on out and take a gander at our new addition.

Until next time...


gracie :) said...

From one foster mom to another, I understand perfectly. Yesterday, my little guy cried as I handed him off to his mother. And I cried as I pulled out of the driveway. It's like your emotions don't have a clue how to respond. How do you reconcile yourself to love a child who feels like your own all week long, then realize once a week that you have no control over their destiny? Only by God's grace and trusting His perfect ways! Thank you for sharing. I've enjoyed coming across this blog and finding hearts sharing the same burden for these precious ones.

Laura - Walking the Long & Winding Road said...

Gracie -

Thank you for posting. I am so encouraged by your words. It feels great to know that there are other Mommies out there experiencing the odd feelings that go with this commitment. I'd love to hear more about your experiences. If you have a blog, let me know.