Wednesday, August 13, 2008

A Shell of My Very Own...

Something is amiss with me right now... I've withdrawn in to this lovely shell of my own making. So many things weigh on me; and yet, I feel guilty about being so burdened and unwilling to ask for help. Ugh, the conundrum of it all.

My hubby started his new job last Monday, the 4th. He has traveled for most of the weekdays ... and we are looking at a good amount of travel until we sell our house and get settled in Michigan. Dislike is a mild word to describe my feelings about being a single Mom of 4 these last 2 weeks. Frankly, I do not know how single Moms manage.

Everyone is feeling Daddy's absence around here. Prince Caspian walks around saying 'My Daddy bye-bye' or 'Eeers my Daddy?'. When the garage door opens he immediately runs to it screaming 'Daddy home.' It is emotional.

And yet, what makes me withdraw at a time when I could really use the support of others? There are moments that I cannot even think beyond the tasks to even have or be a friend. In fact, those moments are numerous right now. So, friends of mine - I love you and miss you and need your prayers right now :).

I also realize that my husband could be in Iraq right now ... there are always situations much, much worse than my own.

Yesterday, I received Little Boy Blue's entire case file. Remember how I said there would be nothing in it that surprised me? Well, I was wrong. My stomach was nauseated as I read of the events that took place from his conception to his delivery. My precious baby, how resilient you are! You are a miracle; your life a testimony.

Sometimes I feel as if I cannot bear telling these boys about their pasts ... I feel so small and inadequate to be Mommy to these two boys who deserve the world. My attempts at analysis and my questions about 'why' in relation to these two never cease. Fostering has required me to give up my 'skimming the surface' on big questions and dig deeper. It continues to be uncomfortable.

Little Boy Blue's adoption will be September 8. When I stare in his big blue eyes and hear that contagious laughter, the weight I feel from reading his file lifts and hope springs afresh.

Still plugging along,

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Do I Still Have Any Blog Readers?

Hello strangers! It has been quite a while, I know. Lots of 'stuff' happening around me. I feel like a whirlwind is continuously blowing through our house.

Meanwhile, I've been meaning to write this very important post for more than 2 weeks!

Several times on this blog I've mentioned my e-friend, Gracie. She and I stumbled upon one another in 2007 back when our blogs were in the public domain. Since then, she has been a constant support and encouragement for our fostering experiences. Our friendship is a joy to me. The story of Gracie and her husband, Dave's parenting journey is touching and beautiful. Please take the time to read about their experiences here.

Gracie and Dave are also adopting a little girl named Adriana from Guatemala. Not only are they adopting a little girl, she is a very special little girl. Adriana is 20 months old and suffers from several special needs, including a dislocated hip, cortical blindness and epilepsy. This couple needs our prayers for this adoption. They also need assistance to get Adriana home!

It is a privilege for Alex and me to make you aware of this awesome opportunity to help to tangibly support the adoption of this little one. We believe this need has been placed before us for a reason... and we ask you to take the time to pray about contributing to this very, very worthy cause. Team Adriana is preparing for a triathlon in Alabama to raise funds and awareness for Adriana's adoption. Since we do not live in Alabama, we are supporting from afar.

All donations are tax-deductible and are handled through the Shepherd's Crook adoption ministry. Just make sure to include the name 'Adriana' in the description. Any donation, no matter how small, is greatly appreciated by this precious family. We urge you to help give Adriana the hope of a family and the medical treatment that she desperately needs.

Blessings in Christ,