We are Getting Close ...

Little Boy Blue's adoption is less than one week away!! (Insert huge sigh of relief from yours truly) We have our big meeting with CPS on Friday and then the adoption should happen Monday morning! Yipppeeee.

Meanwhile, I truly have so very little to say. This blog has been such a vital part of my living and breathing through our adoption experience. Believe it or not, I've been at this blogging thing for over a year now... and I'm coming close to the end of my writing on this subject; I find that most of my thoughts on fostering/adoption have all been shared with you. I'd like to do one last blog post in the next few days about my Little Boy Blue finding his permanent haystack. (Remember the nursery rhyme?)

For now, my 'Long and Winding Road' is approaching a beautiful meadow of open fields with much possibility. No doubt, our road will bend and curve into the underbrush many more times. Today, though, I feel a warm breeze coming off of the tall grass and I'm ready to take off hand-in-hand with this brood God has given me.

Maybe I'll start a Michigan memoirs blog, or something totally kooky to document our time in Michigan - far from friends and family. Maybe I'll start posting more on our school blog. Maybe I'll just rest quietly, teaching my children and loving my husband. Maybe.

Thank you from the depth of me for sharing this profoundly emotional journey. Your companionship here has meant the difference between my standing and crawling on some difficult days. I mean that.

Peek back in and I'll finish up with something fitting as these days wind down. May God deeply bless you; may you know how very much He loves you. And may His hand be yours to hold as you walk your very own 'Long and Winding Road.'

Peace,
Laura

I May Be Too Literal ...

Remember how our CPS caseworker mentioned we could adopt Little Boy Blue on the 91st day after the 90-day appeal period ends?? ... I suppose I am too literal for my own good. With all of the talk of moving bouncing around our house, we obviously desire things to progress with the adoption as quickly as possible. Plus, we just want him to be ours, permanently.

We found out today that she was exaggerating. It will take several weeks after the 90-day mark for them to get their documents together and do the official 'presentation' of his file to us. Since we've had him so long, nothing should be a surprise to us. However, we legally have to wait 24 hours after reading his file to say we want to move forward with his adoption. Next we have to sign paperwork and then, and only then, can the final hearing be scheduled.

What is another two or three weeks, I know, I know. And yet, I get my knickers in a twist over things like this. I like all of the information up front. Don't sideswipe me with more 'stuff.' We also found out that Covenant Kids will have to redo our home study to include Prince Caspian. And, they have a mile-long report to file to the court.

A Day Without Worry...

I'd like to 'think' I've always been a 'thinker.' However, the reality is that I spent a large part of my life as a 'worrier.' What is the real difference?

When I was in college, I wore my worry like a badge. The girls at my college from my hometown would race to see who could call their Mom first with tales of a 'stressed out' day. The stress we experienced had nothing to do with the great questions of our world. Stress related only to superficial things: relationships, peers, clothing, gossip and so on.

I've heard the phrase, "Worry borrows." Wrong. Worry steals. There is no borrowing to it. Worry does not have any intention of giving back the hours it takes. Worry steals. Permanently.

Worry takes an ordinary beautiful day and turns it into a gut-wrenching, headache-driven, tedious series of minutes. Worry takes a delightful relationship and twists it into a paranoid, soul-numbing, dreaded conversation. Worry removes our freedom to think and move in a way that pleases God.

Flip the coin... To think is to ponder, mull over, and chew on something until you have a conclusion that satisfies. Perhaps the conclusion is not permanent or complete. A conclusion can simply be a recognition of mystery. I spend many hours of day and night thinking. Even when I'm doing the most mundane of Mommy tasks, I'm conducting a running conversation with myself regarding some topic of interest.

Where worry steals, thought graciously gives. Thought expands, thought provokes, thought pushes. Thought joins us all in the great conversation. It is not as if we are thinking about things that have never been thought before... there are heaps and piles of commentary on the subjects we seek.

I have certainly been criticized for 'thinking too much.' Valid criticism when my thinking crosses that imaginary line into worry. Every now and again, it does. God specifically asks us not to worry or be anxious but to instead go to Him with a thankful heart and present our concerns to Him. God does not ask us not to think... in fact, we are to love Him with our mind.

I believe that God enjoys my questions and my thinking... and it is He who gently reminds me that my worry alone cannot accomplish, it cannot solve. Oh, the day is bright and beautiful... may I allow it to be what it is rather than clouding it with worry.

I'm Still Reading...

For some reason, I feel compelled to report back on my summer reading. Yes, I still read... even with all of the activity around here. In fact, reading is my one indulgence (well, maybe Dr. Pepper, too.). I simply cannot wait to get to the end of a day and have even 10 minutes to myself to tackle that pile 15 books on my nightstand. I'm sure you pity my husband. Luckily, he usually has a book going, too.

So, here is what I have read this Summer:

Love Your God with All Your Mind by JP Moreland. This is now a classic for me. If I had read this book back in my twenties, I imagine so many things that would have fallen into place regarding my faith. Thank you, Mr. Moreland, for providing a book I will return to over and over.

Crunchy Cons by Rod Dreher. Very interesting book on a segment of conservativism and how it plays out in everyday life.

The Glass Castle, a memoir by Jeannette Walls. You absolutely must read this book. It is the true story of one family who did not get 'caught' by Child Protective Services, but should have. The writing is excellent and it will make you laugh, cry and stand in unbelief, all at the same time. Thanks Mom for recommending this one!

Suite Francoise. Still not done. I've enjoyed a peek into France; however, seem to get bogged down. I'll keep on until I finish this one.

The Iliad by Homer. Read about half of it, then re-read parts of it with Budding Author as he studied Ancient Greece. Finished up by watching the movie, Troy. While there are some unnecessary parts to this movie which bothered me, overall it is an interesting portrayal of a possibly fictional event. Budding Author and I keep going back and forth on whether we like the Greeks or the Trojans best... after seeing the movie, I have a new appreciation for the Trojans, poor guys!

The Question of God: C.S. Lewis & Freud in a hypothetical debate. Very interesting read. This will stay on my shelves for our children to explore someday.

The Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards. A novel dealing with an ethical choice of a doctor which will haunt him forever. Excellent, quick read.

OK, what else? There were a variety of other library books and several others for our local book club. My memory fails me at the moment.

Humor me, sometimes I need to write about something other than foster care :) If you enjoy a good book with a cup of coffee, let me know what titles I must read this fall!

A Little of This & That

* I'm looking out my kitchen window and let me describe to you what I see... Two happy blond-headed kiddos sitting in our mimosa tree; each with a old cell phone cradled between their shoulder & ear. Now, if that isn't the picture of 'cityfied' country folk!

* Last night, hubby and I watched the movie "Antwone Fisher." Anyone see that one at the theaters? We watched it for training hours for our CPS license. It starred Denzel Washington and Derek Luke. The movie was based on the true story of a young man abandoned by his family and then ultimately placed in a horrible foster home setting. The triumph over adversity was beautiful and moving. Words fail me when I think of his story. In the end, he found his deceased father's family and was welcomed with open arms. Until that point, he was a searching, angry young man.

I cannot help but think of Little Boy Blue and his future. If he grows up without his biological Mom & Dad, will he have an emptiness that only knowing them can fill? Someone I love dearly doesn't know one of their biological parents... I cannot imagine the feelings, the ups and downs, the dreams. This I can say - we will never withhold information about our future adoptive child's biological parents. If he or she wants to locate his or her family of origin, when old enough to make a mature decision, we will help in any way we can.

* On a different note, I handled my last court case yesterday. My decision relating to lawyering has come down to this... I will only take referrals from friends and existing clients, that is all. I will not handle probate or guardianship court-appointments for at least a year. It is a freedom, a resolution and a peace. The great thing about this profession is the portability - as long as I'm in Texas, I can begin again full-force, if necessary. Thanks to those of you who have offered great insight the past few months.