Transparency

The week of being a single Mom went fairly well... until the very last 24 hours. While I'd love to sit here and say that I was SuperMom, the reality is that I made mudpies out of most of Thursday. All week, I tried to do this dance of juggling toddlers, dirty diapers, fights between older siblings and capturing dust bunnies. Yet, when I took some time at the end of the days to contemplate, all I could remember was stepping all over everyone's feet.

I have a friend who keeps the wee boys for 3-4 hours per week for me. It is beyond description what this time does to renew. It has absolutely nothing to do with my love for them or my desire to spend almost every waking moment with them. It is simply recharging my batteries so that I can be a better Mommy. To those of you who 'have it all together' this may sound really weird. To those of you stumbling along this dusty path called Mommyhood, you know exactly what I mean.

I know, without doubt, that God did not intend for us to go it alone. Why do I attempt in my difficult moments to dig my heels in and go with me and God, without seeking encouragement and support from the godly people who surround me?

Why can't we be more transparent with one another? Do we think we will shake someone's faith by admitting that we aren't perfect? Truthfully, it is the exact opposite, I believe. To see someone, whose faith I respect and admire, struggle along grasping for God all the way just gives me the desire to draw near to Him all the more. Then, why didn't I pick up the phone and call someone? Hmmm... could it be that grandfather of all sins, pride?

I have to digress .... One really neat thing happened Thursday. I have made a friend via this blog named Gracie. She and I have exchanged many, many e-mail and much encouragement regarding fostering, adoption and faith. And yet, I've never heard her voice... until Thursday. When I came home from picking up the little boys, there was a message on my machine from Gracie!!! I called her back and we actually got to visit for a bit. I was absolutely shocked, tickled and very blessed. In the midst of my prideful moments, God sent a ray of sunshine.

My friend, Kerri, has written a series on pride on her blog. There are so many excellent points made within the 3 posts she has written so far on the topic. Here is the 1st post. My struggles last week absolutely stemmed from my pride... Friend, next time, you may be getting a phone call!!

Who, What, When, Where, Why & How

How did I get that picture of Baby Girl? Why did I? Who did I contact? I've had questions of all sorts about this topic and here is the short answer:

During the transition of Baby Girl from our care to the care of her permanent family, we were able to spend 2 hours with the family at Stonebriar Mall on Mother's Day 2007. Many of you know that her new family has two Mommies. This was God's challenge to us - can you love these women despite their personal choice that you disagree with?

These two hours were a time for this family to meet Baby Girl and for all of us to decide about the timetable for her transition. These women were very kind and gracious to us. They are foster parents and, at that time, were still waiting for the adoption of Baby Girl's brothers to be finalized. They were understanding of our feelings and made it clear that we could contact them any time we were ready to have updates on her, etc.

I find it sad that it took me almost a year to be 'ready' to see pictures of her with her new family. The grief process was much longer than I ever anticipated. But, as I mentioned in the last post, God was faithful to bring the grief to a conclusion. Suddenly, I found myself ready to see her and celebrate her life.

After hubby and I spoke extensively about the matter, I emailed one of the women this week. She was again very kind and gracious and sent me many pictures. She wanted to know all about our family and never even asked 'what took you so long?'

My feelings are all over the board here ... yet I really, truly feel such a profound sense of peace for her life and for ours. And as I've mentioned many times before, I look forward to seeing her again one day.

Baby Girl Grows Up...

Do you recognize that cutie in the middle? It is our Baby Girl, today at 16 months old. I sit here with the biggest smile on my face and the greatest sense of peace about her life. God is good to give grief a conclusion, isn't He? It is also precious to see just how much alike these 3 look ... these are her brothers! I say a resounding Amen to this, don't you?

Still In the Land of the Living ...

To blog or not to blog? Things are nutty with two toddlers; it is much different with another one walking about. My smiggens of time that used to be open for blogging are no longer. So, what to do?

Hmmm. I love to write. Sometimes I sort through issues by planning out a blog post. I've even printed off portions of the blog for Prince Caspian's baby book. How relieved was I to have my feelings on paper for him. And yet, if I cannot blog regularly, do I even continue?

I started this effort as a way to avoid mass e-mail to keep folks updated on our fostering journey. Today, there are rare times when I feel the need to update ... we have an adoption under our belts and one prayerfully on the way.

A dilemma, to be certain.

These days are full. So many things to appreciate; so many things to ponder; so many necks to hug and bottoms to wipe.

Here's hoping your corner of the world is sunny and your garden grows well, literally and figuratively speaking.