Update...

If you want to know what is up with us these days, visit The World is Our Classroom. God never stops changing us; cleaning out the old to make way for the new. He amazes me... that He would care to use cracked vessels to help in His mighty work never fails to stop me dead in my tracks. For more of how that is happening, visit us at our other blog. Praying that this day finds you joyful even if you feel stuck in the mire. Many, many blessings to you.

Welcome...

If you've stumbled across this blog, welcome, welcome! This is our love story; the story of how God loves children of all ages, how He changes hearts and how He allows even the hardest hearts to be broken to meet His purpose. Feel free to stay a bit and walk through the pages of our fostering/adoption journey. We are in a holding pattern right now, so the events you read about are in our past. May you be encouraged and may God richly bless you and yours. Laura

And... It's Another Boy!

Good morning world! At 4:00 a.m., Little Boy Blue decided to wake up and not go back to sleep. Whew! Somehow this child knew that this was his big day! And so we were off - a full car (including Alex's Mom) heading to Adoption City.

The actual adoption hearing was over in a flash. Little Boy Blue was quiet and sweet and Prince Caspian wanted to stand right beside me with his arms around my leg watching every moment.

The Family - 2008

It has been the year for BOYS!

Mommy's new camera sure shows off my blue eyes!

Adoption Day is complete with a Cake... Balloons.... Banner...

And off they go...

Tomorrow ... is only a day away!

a 3-month old Little Boy Blue

We are counting the hours! Little Mommy made a beautiful sign for Little Boy Blue to hang in our kitchen. The baseball cake is made (not too pretty) with his name on it. The baby book is off to a good start. Everyone's clothes are ironed and ready for our 6:30 a.m. departure time.

This weekend I spent some time cutting, pasting and reading my blog posts about Little Boy Blue. Remembering all of the ins, outs, ups and downs of the last 15 months makes this adoption seem all the more amazing.

A 17-month old Little Boy Blue

I will post again tomorrow with pictures of his special day ...

We are Getting Close ...

Little Boy Blue's adoption is less than one week away!! (Insert huge sigh of relief from yours truly) We have our big meeting with CPS on Friday and then the adoption should happen Monday morning! Yipppeeee.

Meanwhile, I truly have so very little to say. This blog has been such a vital part of my living and breathing through our adoption experience. Believe it or not, I've been at this blogging thing for over a year now... and I'm coming close to the end of my writing on this subject; I find that most of my thoughts on fostering/adoption have all been shared with you. I'd like to do one last blog post in the next few days about my Little Boy Blue finding his permanent haystack. (Remember the nursery rhyme?)

For now, my 'Long and Winding Road' is approaching a beautiful meadow of open fields with much possibility. No doubt, our road will bend and curve into the underbrush many more times. Today, though, I feel a warm breeze coming off of the tall grass and I'm ready to take off hand-in-hand with this brood God has given me.

Maybe I'll start a Michigan memoirs blog, or something totally kooky to document our time in Michigan - far from friends and family. Maybe I'll start posting more on our school blog. Maybe I'll just rest quietly, teaching my children and loving my husband. Maybe.

Thank you from the depth of me for sharing this profoundly emotional journey. Your companionship here has meant the difference between my standing and crawling on some difficult days. I mean that.

Peek back in and I'll finish up with something fitting as these days wind down. May God deeply bless you; may you know how very much He loves you. And may His hand be yours to hold as you walk your very own 'Long and Winding Road.'

Peace,
Laura

A Shell of My Very Own...

Something is amiss with me right now... I've withdrawn in to this lovely shell of my own making. So many things weigh on me; and yet, I feel guilty about being so burdened and unwilling to ask for help. Ugh, the conundrum of it all.

My hubby started his new job last Monday, the 4th. He has traveled for most of the weekdays ... and we are looking at a good amount of travel until we sell our house and get settled in Michigan. Dislike is a mild word to describe my feelings about being a single Mom of 4 these last 2 weeks. Frankly, I do not know how single Moms manage.

Everyone is feeling Daddy's absence around here. Prince Caspian walks around saying 'My Daddy bye-bye' or 'Eeers my Daddy?'. When the garage door opens he immediately runs to it screaming 'Daddy home.' It is emotional.

And yet, what makes me withdraw at a time when I could really use the support of others? There are moments that I cannot even think beyond the tasks to even have or be a friend. In fact, those moments are numerous right now. So, friends of mine - I love you and miss you and need your prayers right now :).

I also realize that my husband could be in Iraq right now ... there are always situations much, much worse than my own.
____________________

Yesterday, I received Little Boy Blue's entire case file. Remember how I said there would be nothing in it that surprised me? Well, I was wrong. My stomach was nauseated as I read of the events that took place from his conception to his delivery. My precious baby, how resilient you are! You are a miracle; your life a testimony.

Sometimes I feel as if I cannot bear telling these boys about their pasts ... I feel so small and inadequate to be Mommy to these two boys who deserve the world. My attempts at analysis and my questions about 'why' in relation to these two never cease. Fostering has required me to give up my 'skimming the surface' on big questions and dig deeper. It continues to be uncomfortable.

Little Boy Blue's adoption will be September 8. When I stare in his big blue eyes and hear that contagious laughter, the weight I feel from reading his file lifts and hope springs afresh.

Still plugging along,
Laura

Do I Still Have Any Blog Readers?

Hello strangers! It has been quite a while, I know. Lots of 'stuff' happening around me. I feel like a whirlwind is continuously blowing through our house.

Meanwhile, I've been meaning to write this very important post for more than 2 weeks!

Several times on this blog I've mentioned my e-friend, Gracie. She and I stumbled upon one another in 2007 back when our blogs were in the public domain. Since then, she has been a constant support and encouragement for our fostering experiences. Our friendship is a joy to me. The story of Gracie and her husband, Dave's parenting journey is touching and beautiful. Please take the time to read about their experiences here.

Gracie and Dave are also adopting a little girl named Adriana from Guatemala. Not only are they adopting a little girl, she is a very special little girl. Adriana is 20 months old and suffers from several special needs, including a dislocated hip, cortical blindness and epilepsy. This couple needs our prayers for this adoption. They also need assistance to get Adriana home!


It is a privilege for Alex and me to make you aware of this awesome opportunity to help to tangibly support the adoption of this little one. We believe this need has been placed before us for a reason... and we ask you to take the time to pray about contributing to this very, very worthy cause. Team Adriana is preparing for a triathlon in Alabama to raise funds and awareness for Adriana's adoption. Since we do not live in Alabama, we are supporting from afar.

All donations are tax-deductible and are handled through the Shepherd's Crook adoption ministry. Just make sure to include the name 'Adriana' in the description. Any donation, no matter how small, is greatly appreciated by this precious family. We urge you to help give Adriana the hope of a family and the medical treatment that she desperately needs.

Blessings in Christ,
Laura

Odd Days

These days are unique. These days are unlike any I've lived so far. These days are a concoction of expectation and loss.

It nears the day of farewell to our friends headed to Brazil. I cannot begin to name the deep sadness that covers our family about their departure. While we heartily rejoice in their calling and pray diligently for their safety and for their mission, we want to crawl under a rock and come out 3.5 years later when we see them again. Yes, it really will be 3.5 years from now when they come home for a furlough.

My typical mode of operation is to avoid good-byes. I'm better with the celebratory part. And yet, my friend reminded me this week that closure is important for our kids ... and closure is important for me. So, I wade in the deep water of their departure... I wade deeper into our own departure from a place we've known most of our lives.

These days are different. These days don't allow for much in the way of normal. These days are stepping stones leading to tomorrow. May I hop expectantly from one stone to the next without regret, all the while dipping my toes in the cool, clear water of faith.

A Glimpse of God's Heart Around Every Corner...

We all place barriers on our hearts. Like it or not, we just put limitations on ourselves and our ability to love. This false perspective of our limitations paralyzes us from 'loving the least of these', as well.

Please don't get me wrong, here. I have no desire to 'guilt' you into considering fostering or adoption... I don't have or want that power. :) However, if God happens to be nudging you and you keep saying 'no, thank you' please prayerfully reconsider. Believe me, I'm in that place right this very minute... Quicker than Dallas, (as they say around these parts) I can run through the reasons why a 'family of 7 or 8' would just not work for me. (I'll spare you all of the gory details!)

And yet, there is a strong conviction for Alex and me that our efforts in this area are not complete. Maybe we will foster, maybe we will adopt, maybe we will raise money for an orphanage somewhere (Poland or Brazil?)... who knows? God knows. And He has not let our hearts rest in this area ... He prods and pokes and makes us both very, very uncomfortable.

Please watch this video, Taking a Chance on Fu Yang... I believe your hearts will be touched by this man's unexpected discovery. We have found situations like these to be around each corner...

Take, for example, a call I received back in January. On the other end of the phone was a stranger; a pregnant young Mommy, without a husband, whose family was completely against her keeping a bi-racial baby. She was calling to see if we might consider adopting her baby when it came into the world.

Our discussion led to something unexpected, she really wanted to keep this baby! It was a privilege to help her figure out how to support the baby, even if her family never came around. And now, a picture hangs on our frig door of a chubby baby girl, 4 months old, with a precious sign that reads 'A Gift from God.' This beauty rests in the arms of her Mommy, with her Grandmother and Great-Grandmother right there beside them. I praise God for such a miraculous turn of events. Forgiveness is supernatural... and, for that matter, so is love.

The Gifts of a Saturday!

This past Saturday was spent in an all-day training for Covenant Kids to maintain our foster license. We always seem to dread this 8-hour Behavior Management training. This year was no different... especially since there was a new trainer. Would she make us stay the entire 8 hours? Would she put us all to sleep? We sounded like grouchy teenagers as we headed out at 8:15 a.m. without enough time to stop for a Starbuck's.

Our day turned out to be inspiring and encouraging. Those two words describe perfectly what it is like to sit in a room of 25 Christian foster/adoptive parents and swap stories. Why do I always forget this prior to the training sessions? I believe God uses these other parents to sharpen us and to move us along to that very next step He has planned ... When we leave these meetings, we always ask ourselves 'How can we ever stop doing this?' What seems like complete craziness to the world seems perfectly normal within those walls.

Let me give you a few examples of these folks:
*A foster/adoptive family with 9 kids - some are homegrown, some transplants, some seedlings that will grow in someone else's garden;
*A single adoptive Mom back for her 2nd round after adopting her son over a year ago;
*Grandparents who have 3 grown children who are almost ready for their first foster/adoptive placement;
*A precious couple who struggled for years with infertility. They are fostering 2 little guys (brothers) and will be taking their soon-to-be-born sister in July. These children will most likely be returned to their biological parents; one struggles with schizophrenia and both parents are only 19. The couple we met desperately wants to adopt but has chosen to foster and wait patiently.

Do you see yourself in any of those people? ... ordinary folks with stories much like yours and mine. What a way to spend a Saturday! Oh, and the trainer was engaging, funny and gave us some great tips for the toddler whining that breaks the sound barrier in our home.

***Oh, another thing. A very good friend of ours up here in the boonies has just been licensed as a foster/adoptive Mom. She is a single woman with 2 grown daughters. She had plans to adopt from Russia and then found out about a need for foster/adoptive parents right here in our county. Originally, her heart's desire was to foster/adopt one baby girl. Friday, she got a call about two sets of sibling girls that are free for adoption (one set ages 3 & 5; one set ages 4 & 6). She is actually contemplating taking 2! Please pray for her... God knows her name and the names of these 4 little ones who need a Mommy.

I May Be Too Literal ...

Remember how our CPS caseworker mentioned we could adopt Little Boy Blue on the 91st day after the 90-day appeal period ends?? ... I suppose I am too literal for my own good. With all of the talk of moving bouncing around our house, we obviously desire things to progress with the adoption as quickly as possible. Plus, we just want him to be ours, permanently.

We found out today that she was exaggerating. It will take several weeks after the 90-day mark for them to get their documents together and do the official 'presentation' of his file to us. Since we've had him so long, nothing should be a surprise to us. However, we legally have to wait 24 hours after reading his file to say we want to move forward with his adoption. Next we have to sign paperwork and then, and only then, can the final hearing be scheduled.

What is another two or three weeks, I know, I know. And yet, I get my knickers in a twist over things like this. I like all of the information up front. Don't sideswipe me with more 'stuff.' We also found out that Covenant Kids will have to redo our home study to include Prince Caspian. And, they have a mile-long report to file to the court.

My Castle-Builder is 8 Today!

THE CASTLE-BUILDER
by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

A gentle boy, with soft and silken locks,
A dreamy boy, with blue and tender eyes,
A castle-builder, with his wooden blocks,
And towers that touch imaginary skies.

A fearless rider on his father's knee,
An eager listener unto stories told
At the Round Table of the nursery,
Of heroes and adventures manifold.

There will be other towers for thee to build;
There will be other steeds for thee to ride;
There will be other legends, and all filled
With greater marvels and more glorified.

Build on, and make thy castles high and fair,
Rising and reaching upward to the skies;
Listening to voices in the upper air,
Nor lose thy simple faith in mysteries.

____________________________________________________

Budding Author is 8 today. He still builds castles of the Lego sort. And I believe he still imagines he is a knight fighting a fierce dragon and rescuing the town.

I can remember the night he was born so vividly; the mix of fear and excitement that swirled around his unexpected arrival. Alex calls the birth of our first child one of the major highlights of his life. I would whole-heartedly agree.

A Sigh of Relief and a Look Forward ...

The termination is complete and Little Boy Blue is free to move forward in life and gain a permanent family. I am thrilled for him and thrilled for us. Sadly to say, I don't have any grief at all for the man who contributed to Little Boy Blue's life. He has never seen his son, nor has he ever contacted CPS with any interest in him. He has missed out on this very special life. Given how I feel about Little Boy Blue's Mom, you might think I would be praying for him. The thought has never crossed my mind. Hmmm, something to ponder for another day, I suppose.

For today, I'm just excited and hopeful for his future. Only 90 days until he has a new first and last name and a forever family!! Cheers to you, little one!

Please let it be today ...

You know, I go through these times where I totally and completely forget that Little Boy Blue is our foster baby. Our family functions well and he is one of us after a year of living here. And yet, there are these reminders that throw me back into the land of the living.

His attorney visited on Tuesday, his caseworker last week, his therapist last week and his Covenant Kids caseworker next week. Each month, I have to fill out a report on his life ... and in May I completely and totally forgot to do it. Why? Because it feels like he is mine, why would I need to write down in detail when I put Desitin on his bottom? Seriously, that much detail is required.

Today is the termination for his Dad. I really, really, really pray that this happens today. His case needs to come to a conclusion.

Drugs & Babies - A Personal Comment, - Part 2

Last Summer, I wrote this post about our thoughts in relation to drug-exposed children. It is still a difficult topic for me, perhaps because it is so up-close-and-personal now. My question these days relates to the privacy of our children with regard to this topic.

Do you remember the movie St. Elmo's Fire? At one point in the movie, the Rob Lowe character is having dinner with the blond character's wealthy, well-mannered family. Remember when the mother glances at Rob Lowe, leans over to another guest and whispers behind her hand with a very memorable expression ... "Drugs." While that comment was funny in that particular context, it is not something we want said or even known about our boys.

So, how do we speak to encourage other persons to consider fostering/adopting drug-exposed little ones without compromising the privacy and well-being of our own two??

Obviously, if you read this blog, you know the bare fact that both boys were drug-exposed. And yet, with the exception of one or two of you, you probably do not know or care about the specific details. (Sidebar: We would gladly speak openly to any of you who asked about their situation knowing that the information would not be sensationalized.)

Other people, even strangers, are much more extraordinary in their curiosity. Now, I don't begrudge curiosity for the sake of furthering the cause of fostering ... but, when it labels or attempts to define our boys, it becomes problematic. Plus, we humans seem to have a delight for all of the dirty, dramatic details... maybe it makes us feel somehow better about ourselves because 'at least we didn't do that.' I know I struggle with this warped perspective often.

There are times when I want to simply come up with a different answer to the question 'How far apart are they?' because that question inevitably leads to 'How did you get pregnant so soon?' or 'Were you just crazy to have them that close together?' which inevitably leads to my eeking out in a small whisper 'We are adopting them' ... which next leads to a discussion of the where, when, why and how of such things. Finally, we get around to the subject of foster care, which, by the way, brings everyone into a frenzy of one sort or another. It is interesting how people go on and on about the horrible state of our foster care system ... we all feel so free to talk about this topic and how 'awful' it is for 'those' children. And yet, we do not have a better solution.

I promise, the conversation is just that predictable. On vacation, I almost decided to say the boys were a year apart just to quell the curious. People are just trying to be nice, I know. And, on other topics, I'm the first to talk and talk and talk. I just never want our wee ones to think their lives are the subject of odd conversation. Additionally, our older two do not know the details and won't unless the younger boys choose to tell them their stories.

Bottom line, as I write this I realize that it has to be the prompting of God to share our story and not some odd feeling of peer pressure. So, that is where I will leave this vent. If you have any other ideas, experiences or suggestions on this topic, I'm all ears.

Beach Bums Return Home ...

Each May, my side of the family ventures down to South Padre Island for a week of part family vacation / part family reunion. This year was the first visit to the beach for both of the little boys. It was great fun to watch their discovery ...
No, I'm not a girl! Those curls are just my Mom's way of keeping me a baby :) (Several people asked about our baby girl - what?.)

They are making me wear this silly thing even though I don't even like the water!
Last year, Little Mommy would hardly get in the water; this year, she puts Budding Author to the challenge...

I just know I can catch them, just give me one more try!

All dressed up ...
Big brother and his parrot friend.

Interesting!
Allow me to show you my cape!

Daddy and Little Crab Cake...

My Mom & Dad with our 4.
Our big boy fished in the ocean and caught 3 fish of his very own! He saw dolphin and even a hammerhead shark.

We are happy to be home to get some rest from that vacation we just had :)... isn't that the way it always goes?

We are Alike, She & I - Part 2

Last Fall, I wrote extensively about Little Boy Blue's Mommy, here and here and here ... It boggles my mind how a stubborn woman like me could ever be changed as drastically as God has changed me. One obvious way He has changed my heart is in relation to Little Boy Blue's Mommy.

After she relinquished her parental rights, I continued to have this burden for her on my heart. She would pop into my brain at least 10 times per day. My hubby & I continued to pray for her salvation and complete recovery and healing. I felt led to have a friend contact several ministries that work with women in jail settings. That same friend and I have also diligently prayed for her ...

A few weeks back, I finally made good on my promise to send Little Boy Blue's family some pictures. I also wrote a letter to his Mommy and one to his Great-Grandmother. My prayer was that in some way I could reassure his Mommy of something, I wasn't sure exactly what... maybe I was just trying to make sure Little Boy Blue would have an open door if he ever wanted to contact her.

I've checked the P.O. Box we set up several times since then and it was always empty. Until yesterday. Two letters sat in that little gray space. My heart raced as I saw one was from his Mommy and one from his Great-Grandmother (GG). Tears just ran down my face as I read of a Mother's love for her son... one that would sacrifice her own desires for his best interest.

Here are a few of her words: "I have a good feeling in my heart about you and God meant for this to happen, no matter how difficult it is for me, I embrace the comfort I feel when I realize he is with other children in a beautiful home, with a creative, kind woman and a good family. I do feel that you have given him a better chance at a good life than I could have in my position... After I signed I knew that I had done the right thing for him, instead of being selfish like I wanted to be."

That stops me cold. She wrote 4 pages along these lines. As I read her words, I felt so happy for Little Boy Blue and the fact that he will get to meet her one day, if he chooses. How wonderful for him to have that option!

And she mentioned God and prayer several times... I have great hope for her life. Maybe one day I'll write her back and tell her about the God I know and how He can pick her up, wrap her in His arms and restore her life. I know from experience that He is faithful.

For today, I bask in her words of affirmation. I no longer have to imagine what she thinks about us having Little Boy Blue, now I know!

My Clutter Coach

At what point did I ever think that I needed:

4 bathrobes
30 diaper burp cloths
20 baby bottles
35 t-shirts
2 Coca-cola puzzles (over 500 pieces each)
43 scarves of varying color and size from my working days

Somewhere along the way, I've fallen for the notion that "If one at $2.99 is a great deal, then I must need 2 or 3 at $2.99, right?!" As a consequence, my house has become a battleground for great deals gone bad.

And yet, a page has turned, a new era has dawned... and I'm cleaning out with a vengeance! Wanna know the really cool thing about this? I have a dear friend who spent her entire day with me yesterday coaxing me out of my 'keep it' habit. And, she is still my friend... an even greater thing!!

In almost 9 hours, we got through my kitchen, two closets upstairs and my closet. That doesn't sound like much, does it. Our output was 6-7 extra-large black garbage bags full of trash and a huge kick-start on the garage sale that is going to happen in June.

I have a LOOOONNNGGG way to go still and it overwhelms me... but, I have a 'clutter coach' of my very own. With her help, the material stuff is going 'bye-bye' and freedom is on the other side.

Wouldn't you like a 'clutter coach' of your own?

What Makes a Mommy...

With Mother's Day just passing and another adoption on the way, I've been thinking about the question of 'What Makes a Mommy?' ... Do genes and DNA make a Mommy? Does providing the basic necessities of life make a Mommy? Does reading 'I Love You This Much' for the 500th time make a Mommy?

At what point did I become Mommy to Prince Caspian? He called me Mama almost from day one... not out of affection for me, he didn't even know me. But I was the closest thing to the closest thing he ever knew of a Mama... his foster Mom. Did I become his Mommy when I signed the paperwork saying I would take him into our home as a foster/adopt placement for 6 months? Did I become his Mommy when I lay down beside him for his naps so that he would know someone cared in this strange place? Did I become his Mommy when he started enjoying his baths? Did I become his Mommy when that gavel struck down and said he was legally mine forever?

I don't know the when or where. I just know it happened. One special day, his heart decided to really trust me. I'd love to claim that moment as my own and say I'm just a perfect Mommy. Hee... hee.. But the truth is, God chose to weave that love into both of our hearts. I know I'm different because of it.

If you have a few extra blog-reading minutes today, here is a great post from a 'cyber friend' who has adopted 2 girls. The Truth About Adoption is a worthwhile post to read.

What Kind of Flowers Grow in Your Garden?

With all of the Spring garden action going on around here (including much weed-growing), I've been pondering the topic of sowing and reaping on a regular basis. In fact, the card I bought for my Mom even had a 'growing' theme.

Am I sowing 'seeds of love' into the lives of our family members? Do I water these tiny seedlings with laughter and encouragement? Do I turn their little faces toward the Light, the source of all of our hope? Will I see God's bountiful harvest in their lives as they become parents and spouses?

Today was a very special day... my very first breakfast in bed. Alex worked hard this morning to make cherry pancakes, bacon and eggs. He brought me coffee and forced me to stay in bed to have my quiet time. This time was very meaningful as God really brought the above questions about sowing His seeds in our family. He also made something very clear to me regarding the look, feel and size of our family; but that is too much to share for this day.

After church, I spent the afternoon with my Mom, just the two of us. There were no little noses to wipe, no dirty hands to clean, no hungry mouths to feed, no tiny hand twisting my shirt into a security blanket, no tantrums and no tears. We had a ball ... and she graciously allowed me to pick out my own birthday present, a few shorts and blouses. I'd say I'm a lucky gal!

I finished my afternoon off with grocery shopping (saved over $100 for you bargainers) and headed home to a freshly cleaned car (rare thing for me out here in the sticks) and a tired hubby.

What a day!! How was yours? Did your precious wee ones shower you with their love? Did you hear the still, small voice of God saying 'Well done!' I hope so.