Friday Comes But Once A Week

If you read my July post about Fridays, you will remember that this weekday comes with great difficulty for me. Little Boy Blue has his one hour visit with his Mommy on Fridays. For the last 6 visits, I have sent pictures and notes to her written from Little Boy Blue. Well, he doesn't actually write them... but I take the liberty of speaking for him.

Today, I received one in return. It was very nice and appreciative. Funny, when you put a face on someone and you read words of gratitude, it is very difficult not to sympathize and even 'like' that person. Brutal honesty, I do not want to like her. But I find that I do... and I'm grateful that I'm not stuck in the rut of hate and bitterness about her poor choices.

Her next custody hearing is in less than 2 weeks. I'm begging God to prepare my heart for the outcome... and here is what my pencil wrote:

Two Mothers

Her empty arms,
Fill mine.
Her sadness and grief,
Allow for my unspoken joy.
Her poor choice,
Gives a chance for my love to overflow.

In an instant, it can all reverse,
Like an hourglass turned upside-down.

My arms empty,
Her arms filled.
My grief surfaces,
Her redemption complete.
My choice to love,
Has given her a chance to heal.

In an instant, the tide can turn,
But the choice is made... I will love.

Thank you, reader, whoever you are, for allowing me a fellow traveler. We carry one another, you know. And this, my friend, is the stuff of life.

To Him who has truly carried me through several difficult seasons, I give You every ounce of the glory! And I rest today in the shadow of Your wings...

We are Alike, She & I - Part 2

Last Fall, I wrote extensively about Little Boy Blue's Mommy, here and here and here ... It boggles my mind how a stubborn woman like me could ever be changed as drastically as God has changed me. One obvious way He has changed my heart is in relation to Little Boy Blue's Mommy.

After she relinquished her parental rights, I continued to have this burden for her on my heart. She would pop into my brain at least 10 times per day. My hubby & I continued to pray for her salvation and complete recovery and healing. I felt led to have a friend contact several ministries that work with women in jail settings. That same friend and I have also diligently prayed for her ...

A few weeks back, I finally made good on my promise to send Little Boy Blue's family some pictures. I also wrote a letter to his Mommy and one to his Great-Grandmother. My prayer was that in some way I could reassure his Mommy of something, I wasn't sure exactly what... maybe I was just trying to make sure Little Boy Blue would have an open door if he ever wanted to contact her.

I've checked the P.O. Box we set up several times since then and it was always empty. Until yesterday. Two letters sat in that little gray space. My heart raced as I saw one was from his Mommy and one from his Great-Grandmother (GG). Tears just ran down my face as I read of a Mother's love for her son... one that would sacrifice her own desires for his best interest.

Here are a few of her words: "I have a good feeling in my heart about you and God meant for this to happen, no matter how difficult it is for me, I embrace the comfort I feel when I realize he is with other children in a beautiful home, with a creative, kind woman and a good family. I do feel that you have given him a better chance at a good life than I could have in my position... After I signed I knew that I had done the right thing for him, instead of being selfish like I wanted to be."

That stops me cold. She wrote 4 pages along these lines. As I read her words, I felt so happy for Little Boy Blue and the fact that he will get to meet her one day, if he chooses. How wonderful for him to have that option!

And she mentioned God and prayer several times... I have great hope for her life. Maybe one day I'll write her back and tell her about the God I know and how He can pick her up, wrap her in His arms and restore her life. I know from experience that He is faithful.

For today, I bask in her words of affirmation. I no longer have to imagine what she thinks about us having Little Boy Blue, now I know!