Sunday, October 7, 2007

Can a Crumbling Life Be Rebuilt?

I do not claim to be a poet; however, emotions without outlet have brought my pencil to paper on many occasions. It is as if my thoughts are easily, quickly synthesized in poetry. Never would I have imagined such a thing. Poetry has always been my very least favorite form of expression.

Casting Crowns has a new CD out. A song on the CD, Slow Fade, triggered this poem. One verse in particular pierced my soul... "It’s a slow fade when you give yourself away; It’s a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray. Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid, When you give yourself away. People never crumble in a day." You can listen to the song here.

Funny, I bought and listened to this CD on Friday after finding out the news about Little Boy Blue's Mommy. A reminder, lest I forget, that she and I walk the same difficult, dirty road of life.

Can A Life Lost Be Found?

Losing yourself.
Until nothing remains,
of the girl you once were.
Nothing; not a look,
not a thought, not a dream.

Losing yourself.
As the innocence drains
and a vague desperation sets in.
Proding, pushing you to move,
somewhere, anywhere.

Losing yourself.
As the black cloud hangs persistently,
and his net traps you like a bird.
You wish to fly, yet feeling wanted,
for the first time, you stay.

Losing yourself.
You realize his true intent
as he poisons your mind.
You become unrecognizable,
a shadow; the way out, gone?

Remembering yourself.
Seeing the eyes of your beautiful son,
and a pinprick of light beckons.
You feel a tingle of hope,
an option, a way out?

Remembering yourself.
Knowing the choice is yours,
an unexpected hand reaches out.
Will you meet Him,
the only hope of true change, the Way?

I pray she will meet Him. If she does not, I'm a Mommy, standing firm and ready.


Anonymous said...

praying with you, kerri

Anonymous said...

I wish I could have high minded thoughts towards my foster daughters dad but more than anything I just want to keep her. We have had her for the past 8 months, the first 6 of them her dad didn't do anything but show up to visits drunk. Now she is going home to him this coming saturday and all I can think is that I want him to just dissapear again so that she can stay with us forever.

Laura - Walking the Long & Winding Road said...

M -

I am so sorry to hear that you have to go through the letting go. You have got to be agonizing over the week ahead.

Don't think I have high-minded thoughts all of the time - there are times I want to scream 'wake up CPS!'

There are the other times, the ones I try to write about, where I am convicted that she and I are walking the same road. It doesn't make the "Mama Bear" tendencies go away; it doesn't make the love I have change in any way. In fact, if his Mom can't get it together, I'll be the first one to go put on my armor and fight for him.

In all things, I just try to remember that God can take care of the ones we have to let go of... He is big enough.

May you find His comfort this week. I will pray for you, I mean that. My heart breaks for your sadness.