Transparency

The week of being a single Mom went fairly well... until the very last 24 hours. While I'd love to sit here and say that I was SuperMom, the reality is that I made mudpies out of most of Thursday. All week, I tried to do this dance of juggling toddlers, dirty diapers, fights between older siblings and capturing dust bunnies. Yet, when I took some time at the end of the days to contemplate, all I could remember was stepping all over everyone's feet.

I have a friend who keeps the wee boys for 3-4 hours per week for me. It is beyond description what this time does to renew. It has absolutely nothing to do with my love for them or my desire to spend almost every waking moment with them. It is simply recharging my batteries so that I can be a better Mommy. To those of you who 'have it all together' this may sound really weird. To those of you stumbling along this dusty path called Mommyhood, you know exactly what I mean.

I know, without doubt, that God did not intend for us to go it alone. Why do I attempt in my difficult moments to dig my heels in and go with me and God, without seeking encouragement and support from the godly people who surround me?

Why can't we be more transparent with one another? Do we think we will shake someone's faith by admitting that we aren't perfect? Truthfully, it is the exact opposite, I believe. To see someone, whose faith I respect and admire, struggle along grasping for God all the way just gives me the desire to draw near to Him all the more. Then, why didn't I pick up the phone and call someone? Hmmm... could it be that grandfather of all sins, pride?

I have to digress .... One really neat thing happened Thursday. I have made a friend via this blog named Gracie. She and I have exchanged many, many e-mail and much encouragement regarding fostering, adoption and faith. And yet, I've never heard her voice... until Thursday. When I came home from picking up the little boys, there was a message on my machine from Gracie!!! I called her back and we actually got to visit for a bit. I was absolutely shocked, tickled and very blessed. In the midst of my prideful moments, God sent a ray of sunshine.

My friend, Kerri, has written a series on pride on her blog. There are so many excellent points made within the 3 posts she has written so far on the topic. Here is the 1st post. My struggles last week absolutely stemmed from my pride... Friend, next time, you may be getting a phone call!!

Who, What, When, Where, Why & How

How did I get that picture of Baby Girl? Why did I? Who did I contact? I've had questions of all sorts about this topic and here is the short answer:

During the transition of Baby Girl from our care to the care of her permanent family, we were able to spend 2 hours with the family at Stonebriar Mall on Mother's Day 2007. Many of you know that her new family has two Mommies. This was God's challenge to us - can you love these women despite their personal choice that you disagree with?

These two hours were a time for this family to meet Baby Girl and for all of us to decide about the timetable for her transition. These women were very kind and gracious to us. They are foster parents and, at that time, were still waiting for the adoption of Baby Girl's brothers to be finalized. They were understanding of our feelings and made it clear that we could contact them any time we were ready to have updates on her, etc.

I find it sad that it took me almost a year to be 'ready' to see pictures of her with her new family. The grief process was much longer than I ever anticipated. But, as I mentioned in the last post, God was faithful to bring the grief to a conclusion. Suddenly, I found myself ready to see her and celebrate her life.

After hubby and I spoke extensively about the matter, I emailed one of the women this week. She was again very kind and gracious and sent me many pictures. She wanted to know all about our family and never even asked 'what took you so long?'

My feelings are all over the board here ... yet I really, truly feel such a profound sense of peace for her life and for ours. And as I've mentioned many times before, I look forward to seeing her again one day.

Baby Girl Grows Up...

Do you recognize that cutie in the middle? It is our Baby Girl, today at 16 months old. I sit here with the biggest smile on my face and the greatest sense of peace about her life. God is good to give grief a conclusion, isn't He? It is also precious to see just how much alike these 3 look ... these are her brothers! I say a resounding Amen to this, don't you?

Still In the Land of the Living ...

To blog or not to blog? Things are nutty with two toddlers; it is much different with another one walking about. My smiggens of time that used to be open for blogging are no longer. So, what to do?

Hmmm. I love to write. Sometimes I sort through issues by planning out a blog post. I've even printed off portions of the blog for Prince Caspian's baby book. How relieved was I to have my feelings on paper for him. And yet, if I cannot blog regularly, do I even continue?

I started this effort as a way to avoid mass e-mail to keep folks updated on our fostering journey. Today, there are rare times when I feel the need to update ... we have an adoption under our belts and one prayerfully on the way.

A dilemma, to be certain.

These days are full. So many things to appreciate; so many things to ponder; so many necks to hug and bottoms to wipe.

Here's hoping your corner of the world is sunny and your garden grows well, literally and figuratively speaking.

Delays of a Legal Sort

Yesterday was Little Boy Blue's supposed 'final hearing.' The DA was planning to terminate his birth Dad's parental rights. They cannot find this man; at one point, they thought he was incarcerated in Odessa. Now, he has disappeared. It is difficult to legally terminate on a missing person. There are many hoops to jump through to make sure 'legal notice' has been sufficient.

So, there was a mistake. One of the attorneys missed something on the citation that was published in the newspaper. The Judge is bound by the law to require proper notice. So, the Judge has put the termination hearing off until June 5; then the permanency hearing on June 13. The 90-day appeal period will not begin ticking until then. We are disappointed, no doubt about that. And yet, so what? So he's not ours until later this year ... does a date change anything about the way we feel? Absolutely not.

Rollercoaster Day ...

Today was just plain weird. I cannot say it turned out to be a great day; nor can I say it turned out to be a horrible day. We had highs and lows and everything in between. There were points when I was about to be bald from pulling hair out to points where I sat quietly and planted seeds because I could do nothing else productive.

I have a very whiny toddler on my hands. He is teething, I think. (Let's give him the benefit of the doubt here.) He wants to be outside at all times. He cannot stand the thought of my paying attention to Little Mommy instead of him. (his brothers are fine objects of my attention; just not his sister) He wants to eat non-stop. (While I'm prone to exaggeration, I am not exaggerating here, I promise!) Oh, and he's approaching 2 in a few months.

So, really I should just be patient with him and allow him the freedom to move around, etc. But there's this pesky little, tiny thing called school that most days has to get done. Bother.

And, I have this itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny problem called impatience... actually, my lack of patience is an enormous problem. I keep going back to God every single morning
and He faithfully reminds me that His mercies are new every day... I can start over and try again with His help to be a better, more patient Mommy today than I was yesterday.

Happily, the day ended on a good note. Arriving at that end required several moments when I stopped school and changed direction. One such moment, I put everyone in a quiet spot, including me. One such moment, I sent an e-mail to a friend asking for immediate prayer. One such moment, I pulled out a book we bought Prince Caspian in honor of his adoption and read it aloud to everyone and just bawled my eyes out. (I can't remember the title right now, but I'll be sure to share it another time.) One such moment, I imagined myself on a sandy beach with my husband in Hawaii saying our vows and having utterly no idea that this would be the way it all played out.

You know what amazes me? My kids are so forgiving. I love that about them. They understand that we walk the same challenging road and they recognize that I, too, make mistakes. And they are so quick to apologize and say they love me no matter what. It is true that we learn much from our wee ones. If you doubt such wisdom, just come visit my home on any given day. You will see one family learning much about love and forgiveness.

He Is Risen!

He is alive!

I awoke today feeling the weariness of a week of absolute craziness. Yesterday, I realized Easter was today! I felt like I was spiritually asleep in terms of what Easter means to me. 5:00 a.m. I awoke with a start. I wanted to go back to sleep so badly. Yet, something stirred within me to get my lazy self up and prepare for the risen Christ.

What a blessing ... I had an opportunity to read the stories of the resurrection in all 4 gospels before anyone got up. It was the perfect thing to get me back in gear and focus on the reason for this special celebration. Plus, it prepared me for the message that was to come when we went with my parents to their church. It was a convicting message that I more than needed to hear about sharing the 'good news' of our faith.



Guess what else happened today .... Little Boy Blue's 1st Birthday! Little Boy Blue is ONE today. What a fun day. I will admit though - making 2 of those cakes in one week was really trying on my patience. And to think that June now holds 4 family birthdays ... just makes me want to shriek and run for cover!


Finally, we have had the distinct honor of having Alex's cousin from London stay with us on and off this week. His funny stories, his french horn, his faith and his delightful accent have been a welcome to our Spring Break. And, as you can tell, he has HUGE fans in our family.

It's a Boy!!

We have a new son!! A new, official male member of the family! It is official; he is ours... for keeps. We aren't just playing dress-up with him anymore.

The day started off VERY early... up at 5:00 a.m. and out the door at 6:00 a.m. Wee ones went straight from bed & jammies to car. Big kids and extra big kids got dressed up and began the 2 hour trek to Fort Worth, the town that gave birth to our Prince Caspian! Oh, first we dropped off Little Boy Blue at my friend, Theresa's house. Lucky lady... wee bairn all to herself for hours after he had a very difficult night.

We arrived at a beautiful, brand-new courthouse ready to go.


An interesting aside ... the court schedules all uncontested matters during a 30 minute time frame first thing in the morning. Uncontested included about 15 divorces and our adoption. A divorce takes literally 60 seconds. Sad, isn't it?

The Judge was just incredible. She immediately took hold of our Prince Caspian and made him feel like a true Prince Caspian. Special toys she kept tucked away for moments like these ...


She made us feel very special and very fortunate. Sweet boy had been waiting almost an hour and a half before our case came up. We were all feeling a bit weary, but the Judge gave us a huge energy boost!

Grandmom, Papa Jim & Granny Sally were there for the event, followed by a huge brunch at IHOP.


Back at home, we had a party ... complete with an Elmo cake! Bubbles and noise makers were provided by Covenant Kids.



My precious son, I cannot wait for you to look back on this day. I pray that you feel every ounce of love that our family poured out just for you today. You so deserve this special celebration!! Just 8 months ago today we found out we were chosen to be your family.

I go to bed tonight so tired, but oh so thankful! Sometimes I kiss those little chubby cheeks and I wonder at how I can ever thank God for such a gift; the gift of another son; the gift of you! Happy Adoption Day, Little Man!! Your Mommy & Daddy love you.

Photo Opportunity ...

Isn't he the cat's meow? I've been working this week to get a few special pictures of Prince Caspian to use for an adoption announcement. In addition, I'm working on his baby/adoption book. It is such a pleasure to revisit these memories and realize just how far we've come in a short 6 months. Enjoy these photos of my tiny boys... growing like little weeds!

Had to include this one of Gabey-baby, too!

A rare picture of Mommy with Prince Caspian ... why is it that I'm always on the other side of the camera??

What I'm Learning ....

Thank you so much for those encouraging comments and e-mail. Your words, friends, just encourage, encourage, encourage. I'm grateful for each one.

The meeting last night was lovely ... not a huge turnout, but very interested people came through the door. One local judge spoke about what she sees in her family court; a CASA volunteer explained how these volunteers help provide a broad range of services to foster children; Covenant Kids shared great information about the agency and their non-profit ministry; and one other foster Mom and I shared our stories. (Alex really needed to be at a baseball thing with Budding Author, so I went on my own.)

I was first-up and was able to share our story without tears ... surprise! The precious Mom after me made me cry with her words that were straight from the heart.

The most interesting thing about the entire night was that the audience was made up of primarily people over 45 years of age. Several attendees were of retirement age and had already completely raised their biological children and were seeking to foster. Don't you find that incredible? I do.

Lately, as we have contemplated what the future holds for us and fostering, one thing that continually comes up is our age. Why? Why are we so bothered by the fact that we are turning 40 this year and have young children? Is our vanity that large?

Our society certainly places a premium on youth; yet, we aren't supposed to operate by society's goals, right? Why am I bothered? Why when I look in the mirror do I see an aging, tired face and think 'Oh, we could never take any more kids.' That is just nonsense.

I was reminded last night of the faces of children waiting for homes. A reminder like this gets me contemplating a commitment to fostering for the rest of my life on earth. How? I don't know. It just makes no sense for a family who has been blessed with room and love to say 'no.'

The other foster Mom did say I'd stepped on her toes by what I'd shared about loving Little Boy Blue's Mom. I reminded her that by 'loving' I did not mean that I wanted to be his Mom's best friend or that I supported her bad decisions. It just means that I see clearly the bondage his Mom is in and I recognize her need for a Savior, just like me. I think it puts things into perspective. Not an easy proposition, by any means. But we are required to love, like it or not.

As always, I'm just walking one step by one step ... hoping God will shine the light on my path just enough for me to be able to step-up and not trip over the next stair.

Input Needed...

Thursday night we are sharing our fostering story for a foster parents recruitment event sponsored by Covenant Kids. The anticipated attendees are church-going people ... most of the advertisement was done through local churches.

We are both going to share for about 5-7 minutes each. I'm telling our experience and Alex is going to 'rally the troops' as he puts it. We are not supposed to focus upon Prince Caspian's adoption, but rather on foster-to-adopt in general.

So, with that background, I'd like for you to read what I've compiled and offer suggestions. Is anything I'm going to say inappropriate for the audience? Go gentle on me, now!

"The seed, the idea of adoption, was planted before either of our natural-born children arrived. When we were told that we might not be able to conceive, adoption became an exciting option. Ultimately, we did conceive, twice. We were and are thrilled to be parents of two healthy biological children, ages 7 & 4. As our family has grown and matured, it was as if a person or two… or even three, were missing. It wasn’t a sadness, or a reduced sense of happiness; just an odd feeling that those chairs at our table were meant for someone permanent.

In August of 2006, our hearts were convinced that we were to adopt a child through the Texas foster care system. So, we began training to be an ‘adoption only’ home. During training CK asked everyone ‘adoption only’ to pray about being a foster or foster-to-adopt home. God slowly began to show us that this was not about us … but about Him and His greater purposes. So, we agreed to be a foster-to-adopt home. A foster-to-adopt home accepts foster children who may end up being adoptable as their case progresses.

After much preparation, our home was officially licensed with CPS through Covenant Kids on Valentine’s Day 2007. What a day to start this amazing journey.

Two short days later we received our first placement, an infant girl who had been abandoned in Dallas. We loved her instantly. From the very second I saw her face, all of the doubt about my ability to love another child vanished. We nicknamed her and she quickly became a part of our everyday life …

The chances of her staying with our family were very, very high when no one came forward to claim her after 30 days, then 60 days… But God had other plans for her life and for ours. The surprise call came out of the blue…. Our precious baby girl had brothers. Two completely opposite responses surfaced almost immediately... First response - Praise God! Two brothers! Second response - No, it simply cannot be! We had it all planned out, we'd already decided on her name, her bedroom, her first car, where she would go to college... OK, so not quite that far. But we LOVED her. We drifted back and forth between these two responses until we finally just began to accept. We take the gift for what it had been, pure joy!

We had the unbelievable blessing of watching a child unfold; of witnessing the transformation of a little one reaching out to a family who desperately loved her. How could we even ask for more?

Was this our 'plan', our ideal situation? Absolutely not. But did we finally rest in peace after wrestling with God? Absolutely.

We began asking some big questions about our faith … What exactly is God asking us to do when we love another? Are we to love only when we receive love in return? Are we to 'guard our hearts' and only love in pieces? Or are we to love with our complete selves expecting absolutely nothing?

Often people comment to Alex or me, "Oh, I could never be a foster parent because of the hurt of letting go." The letting go hurts; yet, when we make statements such as the one above, are we really allowing God’s love to work in and through us?

This is such a difficult thing. I do not claim to understand the depth of God's love for humanity; nor do I claim to understand the love we are to show to a hurting world. I do know this - such a love, one that exists beyond all self-motivation, is supernatural. It is of God. It is impossible for us, as believers, to 'create' on their own.

So, the question we had to ask … can we allow God to lovingly work through us, trusting that He will ease the grief of letting go? In other words, do we really trust God with our hearts?

We did not jump back in immediately. We decided to provide respite care for other foster families… Respite is short-term care for foster children when other foster parents need a break of some sort. During our 2 respite placements, God showed us that we could feel the same intensity, the same depth of love for other children. We found out that our calling to be foster-to-adopt parents was really from God; the love we felt was His love toward these children.

Our next placement was a baby boy, Little Boy Blue. Even as they were bringing him through the door, I thought to myself, "what if I cannot do this again?" But there he was. The choice was already made. He was to be loved by me, at least for now.

With Little Boy Blue's case, we had an even more difficult proposition to consider - loving the 'someone else' who caused this child to be considered neglected, abandoned, abused and unloved. I do remember the very first night we had baby girl … my sweet husband was up all night worrying that there was a Mommy somewhere searching for her baby. You see, although she was abandoned in a very ugly place, my husband still believed in a mother's love...

So, how do you love someone who does this to a helpless, innocent, child? Just like we love any other person... Only with the miraculous, life-changing Spirit of God can we view people through His eyes and not our own.

For a time, Little Boy Blue had weekly visits with his Mom and extended family. I was not doing well in the area of loving his Mom.... I began to pray for God to peel back the layers of my own prejudice and judgment and allow me to see his Mom for who she was. And, God was faithful to do just that.

Every week for his visit, I would send pictures and a note written from Little Boy Blue to his Mommy. And, then one week, I received a note in return. Funny, when you put a face on someone and you read words of gratitude, it is very difficult not to sympathize and even 'like' that person. Brutal honesty, I did not want to like her. But I found that I sort of did... you see, she and I are connected by this precious baby. She gave this child life!

Even then, I did not desire to meet her in person. Never did I fathom that I could look her in the eyes and see a woman more like me than I ever imagined or wanted to admit. In fact, I remember saying to God that I could never actually do it, meet her I mean. And then, the letter came. CPS wanted us to meet with the caseworkers and his Mommy to discuss permanency plans. Unbelievable! The very one thing I did not think I could handle had come to pass.

Honestly, it turned out to be a surprise blessing. I cannot clearly explain in words what it did for me to see her in person. I do know this... she went from being this negative image in my mind to being a living, breathing person, in the flesh. I saw our similarities. She and I are both fallen human beings who have made poor choices and are in need of a Savior. It really became that simple. In her, I saw a Mommy's love shining through, I saw a heart and mind capable of so many things.

After that meeting, our prayers changed. We believed and still believe, without a doubt, that Little Boy Blue's Mommy can change and we believe in the One who can speak to her heart. We began to pray that she would see Him everywhere she turned and, believe it or not, as a family, we were actually praying that she would have a chance at getting him back.

That was not God’s plan. After a series of serious missteps, she relinquished her parental rights to Little Boy Blue just over a month ago, almost 9 months since he arrived at our house. While it is not certain that we will be able to adopt him, it is looking really, really positive.

But, the story does not end there. Shortly after Little Boy blue arrived, we were selected as the adoptive family for another little boy, our Prince Caspian. His parental rights had been terminated before we ever met him. When he came to live with us, we knew he was going to be a part of our forever family. His adoption will be finalized next Monday, on St. Patrick’s Day.

There is no doubt that we, as believers, are to care for those who are unable to care for themselves. For our family, that means physically doing the caring. For other families, it may mean something altogether different. That is what I love about God... we all have a different task and we are perfectly equipped to complete the task that He asks of us.

It all boils down to faith. Do I trust that the God of the universe cares for our family? Do I really believe that He knows these children and will care for them? Do I really believe He loves me and knows what my heart can handle? Do I really believe that He will work all things together for His good? I do.

God has promised to be a Father to the fatherless; and He allows us to participate in this exciting task. Incredible.

This is my lesson... If God had pulled back the curtain and shown me what 2007 was going to look like, I would have said 'No thank you, this heart can't handle that. You'll have to pick someone else.' And I would have missed it all!"

10 short days ...

and Prince Caspian will be OURS!!! Just got the call from our attorney. St. Patrick's Day will have a whole new meaning for our family.... adoption. WOW.

Alex has decided to plant a magnolia tree in honor of Prince Caspian. That excites me ... to think that we will have fragrant, cream blossoms as a reminder of his precious life.

Funny aside. I was impatient this morning with my kiddos. During school, I had to take a Mommy break so that I didn't lose it on everyone. Also, our home phone was almost cut off because I forgot :) to send the bill in. As I sat in the kitchen swallowing spoonful after spoonful of Nutella, (ever try that yummy stuff?) the phone rang. It was the attorney. Quick way to make a Mommy feel remorseful, I'll tell ya that! Plus, I'm glad my phone wasn't disconnected.

We are so happy, we could burst! I cannot wait to show you pictures of the blanket my Mom is making for the newest member. Oh, and I want to do adoption announcements ... amidst the millions of other details

Filled with joy,
Laura

Hither and Yon

I've become a horrible blogger. Just lazy, I guess. Or maybe, could it be the sickness that pervades every square centimeter of our house?

Yesterday, we added another sickie to the ranks ... Last week, it was Prince Caspian with an ear infection, then Little Boy Blue with the same. I took a sore throat over the weekend which has turned into a nice viral infection. Today, I took Budding Author to our friendly family physician and he has the flu or strep or both.

Interesting aside ... we gave Budding Author his first dose of Tamiflu and he had a very weird halluncination-type thing happen. My trusty Fox News anchor told me this morning that other children have had psychiatric side effects to Tamiflu in Japan. So, we've decided to skip the Tamiflu and hope the antibiotic is what is needed.

How are you?? Anything exciting happening in your life that you might need to start a blog and share?

A few things to catch up on here:

Little Boy Blue is taking steps. Prince Caspian is perfectly on track with his speech and other developmental areas and does not qualify for ECI (yippeee). We weren't so oblivious after all!

I have many things cooking in my head to write about and not enough time to write... isn't that true of every area of our lives?

Until then,
Laura

Celebrating Wendy ...

Have you ever met someone who just surprised the daylights out of you? Have you ever listened to someone's story and wondered 'could I ever do that?' Have you ever just stood, mouth gaping open, in disbelief at the strength of character of another human being?

That is how I view my friend, Wendy. And sometimes, when we are on the phone, I sit with my mouth literally open ... disbelieving.

Almost one year ago, Alex & I went to a mandatory training at Covenant Kids. Baby Girl had been with us a very short time and we had zero 'approved babysitters.' Baby Girl had to go with us. The 3 of us sat right next to Wendy.

Sometimes, I can be shy. I know it sounds really humorous; yet, it is true. There are times when I will sit for hours next to someone and pretend they aren't there while I'm engrossed in whatever I'm doing. I sat next to Wendy and hardly said 2 words.

She struck up a great conversation with me... asking all about beautiful Baby Girl. At that point, we were still in awe of the whole situation with her and just sure she would be ours. Wendy asked lots of questions and listened intently.

Wendy is a teacher at a private school in McKinney. She is single and young. (Anyone under 35 is young to me!). At the beginning of 2007, Wendy felt led to become a foster Mom. She is a person of deep faith. Here she sat in training with us as we oooed and aaaahed over Reese.

We left the training that night and didn't see her again until June at a CK evening at the Ballpark in Arlington. There is Wendy... and she is so friendly to us! She had just received her license as a foster Mom. We had just sent Reese to her new home. Boy, how quickly things change.

She was anxiously awaiting her very first placement. She was ready with car seats and a stockpiled pantry. By the end of that same week, Wendy had her first placement ... 2 boys ages 6 & 8, brothers, who had been removed in an emergency situation. She tells it in a funny way ... she got a call and a few short hours later they were all sitting around her kitchen table eating dinner. That was June of last year.

Fast forward ... these 2 boys spent the summer swimming, going to VBS, being baptized, starting a new school, experiencing Christmas and Santa for the very first time, meeting new friends and becoming attached to Miss Wendy. Wendy's class at school made a way for them to go to Sea World over Christmas vacation. What an experience they have had!

These 2 will be leaving Wendy next week. A relative placement has come through for them ... a blessing in many ways. And yet, can you even imagine the feelings of these 2 as they leave a place that has become 'home' to them? And Wendy, how will her life be forever changed?

I just needed to share her story... for so many reasons. When I look at Wendy, I am strengthened. She has done this alone, by herself, without the help of a husband. But, she has had the strength of her God, the calling that came from Him. And, she rests in His plan for these boys.

Do I dare to trust the Lord the way Wendy has? Do you?



Tell me, is that not the most beautiful picture of God's love that you've seen?

Be strengthened, my friend, Wendy. May these days be full of laughter and fun as these very precious lives open a new chapter. And may you rest in the arms of the One who called you to this very important task.

Final Hearing Date ...

A date has been set for Little Boy Blue's final hearing ... March 27th. Yipppeee. That makes the 90-day appeal time ending on June 27th. Great news for our family. It is very hard to believe that we will adopt 2 boys in 2008!

On another note, we have been asked to speak to prospective foster parents in the Sherman/Denison area about our experiences with CPS. The goal is to paint a very realistic picture of what foster-to-adoption is like for families who are entering this process. We are honored to do this for Covenant Kids. Our experiences have been very typical and will hopefully help someone with setting expectations.

It is interesting that they really don't want us to talk much about Prince Caspian's adoption because his situation was very atypical. Usually, children his age are adopted by their foster parents, so a straight adoption through CPS of a young child rarely happens. So, while we would love to talk about our Prince Caspian, he doesn't get to be the focus.

**Tune in later this week as I celebrate my fostering friend, Wendy, who is a single Mom whose faith sharpens mine.

A Picture is Worth ...

"Look Mom, No Hands!"

Any day now. It is coming, I feel it ... his first steps are rapidly approaching. Whew. I view this new thing with both excitement and hesitation. I've carried my camera around today so that I would be 'ready-Freddy' just in case the event took place. Here are a few shots of the crew ...

"Ooo, Ooo, Ooo, I Wanna Be Like You Ooo Ooo"

"Adam's Apple"

"Tickling the Ivories"

"What About Me, and Me, and Me?"

"Live!, Cooking with Prince Caspian"

Fun has many faces, doesn't it?

Quiet Mommy Speaks...

For some reason, writing has been a bit slow for me this week. I feel like Tigger inside; yet, my voice sounds something like Eeyore. Interesting combo of personalities, huh?

Here is what is up in our world ...

1. It is V-Day! A day to celebrate luv, luv, luv. My sweetie of a hubby wrote me a poem in honor of the occasion. Funny thing, I never realized that he was a poet. And yet his sweet words were precious to me and too precious to share!

2. Today is the one-year anniversary of our becoming a licensed foster family. Yipppeee. I celebrated that aspect of the day by cautiously opening the nursery room closet and peering deep inside the depths to discover 3 huge black trash bags with baby girl clothes. A friend is having a baby girl and our church is great about rotating clothes. It is my turn to rotate.

So, I ventured in ... The rush of emotions simply blew me right off my feet. I found the sweetest clothes that I'd purchased for Baby Girl - a onesie that says 'I Love Daddy' and two onesies decorated with beautiful ribbon. These she never wore; we found out just days after I purchased these that she would be leaving. I also found the very special pink 'horsey sweater' that a church friend gave Baby Girl the day after she arrived in our home. And I found the purple soft bunting that looked so beautiful on her. And so on...

I sat and cried huge crocodile tears while my hubby and baby Prince Caspian looked on. Prince Caspian was confused. Alex was a bit emotional, too. It hit us both completely and utterly by surprise. That is how grief is, I guess. What should have been complete so long ago still lingers.

3. We have had millions of questions about what we plan to do next as foster parents. With circumstances as they exist right now, we feel led to do the following ... IF one of the boys has a future sibling, we would like to be the first family considered to adopt that sibling. Outside of that situation, we will take at least 6 months off after all adoptions are finalized and then we plan be a foster home for short-term infant placements. (According to Little Mommy, we are only taking baby girls.)

We simply cannot give up this license when there are many babies who come into the system for a few weeks waiting for extended family to pass a home study. Many families who want to take infants really want to adopt and are, therefore, not able to take short-term babies. We were that family one year ago. We would not have dreamed of taking a short-term infant placement.

So, here we have come completely full circle. The circumstances are so different on this side ... we have 2 boys to call our own. We can be a real 'foster family' now... after our break, of course.

Tah, Tah for Now! Or TTFN in Tigger-speak!

As I Was Just Saying...

... in my last post how cute Prince Caspian's language development has become. Really, I had no idea that he may be truly delayed. Ouch.

Today, ECI (Early Childhood Intervention) was here to do therapy with Little Boy Blue. Due to Prince Caspian's 'neediness' he often participates in the therapy, too. Lucky Little Boy Blue. The therapist/LPC has subtly asked me questions for a few weeks about Prince Caspian's speech and lack of pronunciation. I did not pick up on any of the subleties. In my mind, he is perfect and Einstein, too, in case you were wondering.

Yesterday, my Mom asked me about his speech and I poo-pooed it and got out my 'What to Expect the Toddler Years' book and read about how individualized speech development is, etc.

Back to today... after Little Boy Blue's therapy, I asked the therapist outright what he thought about Prince Caspian's speech. He laughed and said he thought he needed a referral for ECI. He said he had wanted to say something more direct to us for several weeks, but did not want to overstep his boundaries and make us upset.

We are in no way upset. To the contrary. We understand (on some level) that this child has been exposed to toxic substances, has been moved 3 times in the foster care system and may have some issues as he grows. We are his champions and will 'go to the mat' to get him the services and resources that he needs to thrive and develop properly. All we need is information and we are off.

The Year of Prince Caspian

How unbelievably coincidental is it that our Prince Caspian, will be adopted in the year that the Chronicles of Narnia movie, Prince Caspian, is released! In fact, the movie will be released in May, just 2 short months from his A-Date.

The first Narnia movie, Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe, was, in my estimation, a movie masterpiece. As I sit reminiscing, I can this moment feel the adrenaline rush of the battle scene. The forces of good versus the forces of evil... yet, I know who wins. The music, stirring every nerve within me. The goodness and strength of Aslan who arrives at the perfect moment. How can it be topped from a cinematography standpoint?

While the Christian allegorical application of the Chronicles of Narnia is not exact, precise or even meant to be so, the stories were nonetheless written by one Christian thinker to whom I owe a large 'thank you.' C.S. Lewis got me seeking; a huge feat in-and-of itself. Seeking leads to things, you know. And, if you seek, you will find.

Prince Caspian, our Prince Caspian, is a delightful fellow. His words are multiplying rapidly, yet still garbled. I love this age ... where the intimacy of family allows for communication which to outsiders appears as just mumbling. It is a secret language, understood only by those standing in the inner circle. How I rejoice to be in his inner circle! My favorite current word of his is 'nose' ... it comes out as a country boy 'nooooooouuuuuusssssss.'

I do grow weary of his whining these days. A reminder about 19 month olds is always welcome my way. While his words multiply, they cannot quite keep up with his brain as it seeks to communicate; hence, the whining... for the most part. Some whining just stems from wanting to be and do what big brother and sister do with Mommy during school hours. So, we make adjustments.

And in a mere 16.25 years, I'll be dreaming of my own Prince Caspian and how the years flew by. May my tired Mommy eyes stay open for the entire ride.

Loving Little Boy Blue

The day began early, early at 2:30 a.m. with my mind reviewing all of the endless possibilities of the upcoming hours. I did not realize how much this day would weigh on both Alex and me.

With Prince Caspian, we were spared all of this. By the time we heard anything about him, both parental rights had been terminated. We never met his biological Mom or Dad. We did not walk in the precarious position of loving-and-letting-go with him. It is beautiful to be able to feel confident in our future with Prince Caspian. With Little Boy Blue, we have borne the ups and downs while, thankfully, he has been blissfully unaware.

We left our house an hour and a half before the court time. (the drive is typically only 45 minutes) On 380, we encountered two very bad accidents and quickly found ourselves hurtling through the countryside, late, to the very thing we have anticipated for so many months. To top it off, we got lost.

Fortunately, the court was back-logged and our timing turned out to be a blessing to us, as well as to Little Boy Blue's Mom. Is it not funny how what we think is the enemy slowing us down, is actually God giving a tidbit of grace to another Mommy's heart??

She decided to relinquish her parental rights to Little Boy Blue.

If we had been there 5 minutes earlier, we would have been in the courtroom when the guards brought her in and we would have had to witness another human being's deepest hour. I am grateful that she was able to be with her family in the courtroom without our distraction.

We were then brought in the courtroom for the admission of evidence relating to the Great-Grandmother and Grandfather. The testimony revealed new information to us; information about abuse on all levels, information about family dysfunction and information that allowed us to see God's hand in removing this one baby from these cycles.

I hurt. My tears are unending for Little Boy Blue's Mommy. My tears are unending for what her life growing up must have been. I cry a river of thankfulness for this baby's life.

We also found out that CPS has located his birth Dad. He is incarcerated in Odessa and has 6 children. The attorneys are working to terminate his rights. And, then the 90 day appeal/intervention period begins. We continue down this long and winding road, one baby step at a time...

For this moment, I just look to tomorrow. Tomorrow Little Boy Blue has a good-bye visit with his Grandfather and Great-Grandmother. The Great-Grandmother is really pushing us, through an attorney, to allow future visits. We are absolutely sticking to our guns on this one. I cannot imagine a situation where it would be in his best interest to continue a relationship. We will always be open with him, and Prince Caspian, about the beauty of adoption and the gift that their biological Moms both gave them. The revelation of additional information will come as they mature appropriately, and not before.

I pray that Little Boy Blue's Mom finds rest. I pray that she knows peace. I pray that she will find Him and He will change her.