Sunday, December 16, 2007

Termination is an Ugly Word...

I've really come to hate that word... 'termination.' It sounds ugly to me. Termination of parental rights or 'TPR' is the term used to legally dissolve a parent's right to their child. Involuntary, of course. If it is a voluntary act, it is called 'relinquishment'... not quite so ugly, but permanent, nonetheless.

Little Boy Blue's Mom did not show at the status hearing. Her attorney attempted a 'continuance' to allow her to show and beg for leniency. The Judge said 'No.' So, TPR trial (in front of a jury!) is scheduled for the very end of January. And, since Mom is losing her parental rights, no more visits for Little Boy Blue with Grandfather or Great-Grandmother. Shock to my system.

Before the hearing, Friday morning, CPS called at 8:00 a.m. to see if they could pick Little Boy Blue up at 9:00 a.m. at the 'meeting spot' for a visit. They had forgotten to let me know that the Grandfather & Great-Grandmother wanted to see him. I do not like that type of last minute notice... however, I pulled him together and sent him off, little did I know that it might be his last visit. Usually, we send a letter about his week(s) and some pictures. I was lucky to just get him dressed and his diaper bag ready in 30 minutes.

He came back from the visit at 12:00 noon and he was starving. For some odd reason, no one fed him. So, he went from 7:00 a.m. to Noon without food. We put 2 bottles and baby food in the diaper bag. That makes me spitting mad!

Another weird thing... the CPS transporter said that Grandfather did not come, but that Grandmother was there with Great-Grandmother. CPS had just told me that morning that Grandmother was deceased. So, who is the mystery woman allowed to visit with Little Boy Blue?

The saddest part... CPS told us that Great-Grandmother said there are other family members who want him. She has not been known for complete truthfulness, so all of this is speculative. Home studies must be completed and criminal background checks done before he will ever be moved.

Yet, in the midst of the chaos that surrounds itty-bitty, yesterday morning it was decided that Little Boy Blue would be baby Jesus in our church's Christmas program. I will just take him up and sit him in the manger for all of the other beautiful children to peek upon. He will love that!! If only all watching could know how special is this opportunity for this particular baby boy!!

God, You are so good to us. I've been teary and emotional thinking about our year and the many things You have graciously taught us about real love. What blessing, what joy, what peace!

And with every end, there is a beginning...


Wendy said...

I am with you there on your rollercoaster of emotions! I often feel the uncertainty of knowing when my boys are going--or where they are going, for that matter. I am beginning to realize that what is said changes quickly. We have a review permanency meeting on Weds. so I hope to hear more news.

Thanks for sharing this journey.

Steve Sensenig said...

And I'm with both of you on the rollercoaster of emotions. Our permanency hearing did get "continued" for a month (as you already know), and we found out details that had never been shared with us (in terms of what interference could still happen by birth parents and a grandparent).

However, we are blessed to have Hope Giver in our home for several days this week (unexpected to us), due to a family emergency in her current foster home. So, it's definitely a bittersweet week already for us.

But, hope continues!! :)

Love Each Child

gracie :) said...

Wow, such a mixture of emotions. I understand the feeling! You know what, though? For the first time, I think I've finally relinquished the vulnerability of my heart over these children to God. I am not in control, I might as well realize that! Whatever happens from here, I would rather be in this place than any other. What peace there has been in this!

Thank you for continuing to share your journey. I will try to write has just been really crazy this past week!

Blessings to you all during your first Christmas with these precious boys!

Staci M. said...

Reading the news about Gabriel playing the part of baby Jesus gave me chills. I wish I could be there to see it in person. But we will be thinking of you as you celebrate this special Christmas with your special family. Love you!